Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
