we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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