is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize