you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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