Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you will always have a special place in my vag
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize