yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
