I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
