she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
