Already got asked if we're dating
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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