you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
