I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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