I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
