I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
