how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize