um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
