I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she peed on how many people?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
