So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
