I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize