You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
