Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
