need another drink. this is the easiest way
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
