She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
