What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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