I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
