shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
