If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
