At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
