Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
