He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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