Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
