oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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