thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
