Well douche your snatch and let's go!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize