I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
