Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
