the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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