My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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