I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
