guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize