I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
