You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
