he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
