just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Pooping to opera.
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