i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
