You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
