wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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