I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
