one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
