I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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