PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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