everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
