yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
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