no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
