You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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