Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
two words...techno handjob
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
