I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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