So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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