i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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