it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
