thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Non-Jews are for practice
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
