this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
