Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
how does that bad decision feel?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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