i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
