I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
