I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
