I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Couch. On fire.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
