i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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