How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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