Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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