shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize