ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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