I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
