in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
whose parrot is this?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
